Another weak child has been thrown into the fire. It is a shame I suppose, he may have grown to be quite the handsome young man. But there is nothing handsome about cowardice. We can’t remain on an ad break for too long we need this kid to move. I cast my spell of the winds and the boy is flung out of the shopkeeper’s cave and back onto the over world. This year’s game has started slowly but I’ll soon change that. I summon Octoroks before the boy, the creatures deftly sweeping in to usher him in the desired direction. Rarely do I allow anyone to die before the very first dungeon. It doesn’t make for a very interesting season.
I do love this show. The Legend of Zelda sounds so vivid a story. The people of Hyrule enjoy the escapism of the adventure and the lower population are reminded that they have no power. It’s such an excellent set up. And it is all about me, Zelda the princess of Hyrule. No matter what child is sent to rescue me it is I who they fight to the death for, it is I who all adore. Little do they realise my multiplicity.
The boy has been stumbling along the lake front for almost an hour now and I’m terribly bored with it. The sea monster Zola will help push him along. The incantation is sung and the terrible creature has appeared to blast the child away. Of course there’s a helpful salesman nearby who will sell the child a magical shield. It is my hope that he gains more confidence by acquiring such an item. And there he goes crashing into the tree that conceals the hidden staircase. This time there won’t be any displays of treason, I can’t publicise another live execution so soon after the first one. Television need not be so grim.
My chamber however has been entered and I cast aside the flames that project the game to see my faithful maid Impa, a robe disguising her true stature, approaching. “Lady Zelda, forgive the intrusion. I have important information to disclose.”
“Do you now Impa, how very exciting. Although be sure to be quick, this boy won’t last long without my interference and I’m certainly not ready to let the game end anytime soon”.
“My liege, it has been discovered that Ganon has a means to escape your imprisonment. I have infiltrated a rebel camp and learned they have plans to release the former leader. Their forces are strong and well-hidden and I fear the kingdom will be in jeopardy.” We for a moment remain silent, allowing a speechless discourse to disclose the true severity of the situation. I disregard her concerns with a wry smile.
“Well my dear Impa, it seems the need has arisen for you to get your hands dirty. You are of course prepared for such a task”. The old woman begins to chuckle. She throws her robe aside revealing the mercenary beneath; she has kept up her training. “Go now and disparage their forces, try not to kill too many I do like having masses under my heel. Meanwhile I shall discover how Ganon restored his sense of hope. Crushing him never ceases to bore me.” Impa takes her leave and as the door closes behind her I catch a glimpse of the imprisoned pig. “How have you thought your fortunes would ever be anything different?”
I summon the flames once more and find my young hero is still alive and crossing the bridge to the centre of the lake. Soon he will attempt the first dungeon. I quiver with anticipation. I think this year’s game may be our most exciting yet.