Super Mario Bros. – Pride, Prejudice and Koopa Troopas – Part II of III

The young gentleman’s name was Mario. He and his brother Luigi were stationed in the neighbourhood for an indefinite time, completely at the service of anybody whose pipe had given way to the Piranha Plants. The plumbers were soon discovered to be the two most genial characters to ever grace the Mushroom Kingdom and their work became a comfort to everybody’s lives. They all but eclipsed Bowser’s pride, which was now fixed as indomitable and his departure from their lives would be the most agreeable occurrence.

Peach discovered she had a great rapport with Mario which was only strengthened through the discovery that they both held a dislike for this most infamous gentleman, the said gentleman having formed the habit of gazing at Peach at subsequent balls since the slight in World 5.

“Bowser had been like a brother to me and Luigi” Mario recalled. “I dare-say his father loved us all equally, mine having regrettably succumbed to his ailments. Yet Bowser did not care much for sharing his father’s affections and I am sad to inform you that once the blessed gentleman passed on we were stripped of any inheritance entirely.”

“I am sorry to hear that, but from my experience with the man I sadly cannot feel wholly amazed he is capable of such injustice”; the Princess enjoyed indulging in the ridiculous and her sympathy was only equalled by the delight of having definitive evidence that Bowser’s pride was matched by a black heart.

Meanwhile the affections between Toadette and Lakitu seemed to blossom all the more. Rarely did an occasion pass without the two spending every dance together or secluding themselves in close and spirited conversation. While the gentleman was most attentive to her one might have thought she herself was too reserved to return the affection. However it was only her modesty that presented such a front and truly her feelings equalled his. Sadly this type of intercourse was far too slow and uncertain for Toadsworth whose interest in match making often overlooked his own ward’s mind. Thus when Toadette was invited to dine at the World 5 castle and a storm threatened to end the occasion, Toadsworth lit up with the most excellent idea he had ever mustered and sent her out on Yoshi without a carriage to protect her.

Inevitably the Yoshi returned the following day to confirm Toadette had caught a cold and could not return for several days. Peach could not bear the thought of her ward jeopardising Toadette’s health in such a manner and set off on foot to ensure her friend was in no immediate danger. “Five worlds on foot at this time of the morning!” exclaimed the Koopa Troopa who attended her at the door. Flushed, she ascertained Toadette was not in dangerous health and found her most graciously taken care of by her new-found lover. While the servants of the castle remarked that she must be positively wild, Bowser admired the brilliancy exercise had given to her complexion and the vivacity of spirit that exuded from her as she had defiantly entered the castle. Thus within Bowser rose a furore of passion towards the princess so strong he could no longer suppress his true feelings for her.

Sitting at her dresser the following morning penning a letter to her wards, her solicitude was abruptly broken by Bowser entering her room unexpected. A passion had betrayed itself upon entering that he quickly stifled and returning to his more composed self, began a number of silent paces back and forth across the room. Peach was about to intervene when Bowser started.

“I have endeavoured in vain to quell my feelings but I find that despite all that I am undoubtedly and completely in love with you”.

“I was initially resolved against this. Your relations being somewhat inappropriate I felt the match would be terribly inappropriate. And while the relationship between your partner and my good friend seemed to me an ill formed union, I cannot believe the same of yourself. I find I am repeatedly returning to your most lively complexion and the intelligence of your eyes assures me you are more than a match for me. It has been a struggle but passion has bested my better judgement and as such I would like to ask for your hand in marriage.”

All this was said in such an uncomfortable manner that Peach almost entirely missed the proposal at the end. Bowser appeared desperate for a response and the boyhood anxiety across his face almost made the fair princess reel over in a nauseous fever. “Mr. Bowser really!” she gesticulated. Sadly this produced far from the intended effect on the man whose sudden composure betrayed knowledge that he expected nothing less than to be accepted.

“As flattering as it may appear to have one’s relations decomposed in such a manner I would not have accepted your proposal if presented to me in any manner, praiseworthy or otherwise. However shall I begin by stating that you would believe my close friend, a sister in all but name, is not a match for your carefully selected friend? Surprised as I am by this sudden proposal I cannot believe you would have it that my sister’s abilities were not enough for someone of your acquaintance. Furthermore your treatment of the Mario Bros. cannot be forgiven or justified and anyone who must share their affections with you must always be on guard it seems for a betrayal in the midst.”

Taken aback, Bowser attempted to defend himself. “I see you would have me out as a blackguard and yet you judge me on acts that have not been told in their entirety. You are too quick to make an opinion on such things”.

“Truly Bowser I had formed my opinion of you long before such matters came to light and you cannot expect me to think anything more of you than deceit when ill-manners have been all I’ve received since our first acquaintance.”

“Then you have utterly misinterpreted my intentions”

“I find it hard to call loathing and disdain for myself and my family as misinterpreting your intentions”

“Then am I to believe on these grounds that you refuse my proposals”

“I whole heartedly refuse your proposal on the grounds that you are the person I am least likely to accept in all my acquaintances.”

Bowser stood stunned for the moment, unable to entirely mask the mortification that had taken him. All he could muster now was a curt nod before he hurriedly left her room and proceeded to vacate the premises. Peach was then left to contemplate the matter alone.

Next – Part III

Previous – Part I

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