Super Mario Bros. – Pride, Prejudice and Koopa Troopas – Part I of III

It is a truth universally acknowledged that any man of considerable fortune must be in want of a wife and the imminent sale of the castle of World 5 was enough to put the Mushroom Kingdom estate into much consternation.

“Lakitu is his name I believe, and 20,000 coins a year! He would be a fine match for any of our young ladies wouldn’t you say young master Toad”. A genial grimace was returned to the exclamation as Toad returned to his books. “Ah yes you simply have to visit the gentleman upon his arrival tomorrow, our Toadette is uncommonly pretty we simply cannot have her snubbed again”. Toadsworth shuddered at the recent debacle including a distant relation of his marrying the insurmountably plain Birdo from Subcon House. “Even thinking about that mess sends my nerves all asunder; you must ascertain his acquaintance or else I fear I shall never leave this estate on account of my ailments”.

The swoon that accompanied this remark was noted by Toad and he declared he would not be visiting the gentleman and that if any relationship was to happen he would not be forced out of his way to do so. This produced the desired effect in his partner and Toadsworth bemoaned to the whole estate while he was safe in the knowledge that the introduction was set for the following morning. He of course wanted nothing better than to see his wards matched off happily, however while he agreed that Toadette was remarkably pretty, his favourite ward was most definitely Princess Peach whose intellect gave her a vivacity that made her a cut above the rest.

Thus the introduction was made and Toad enjoyed the surprise from all when he related the news almost as much as the faux pas of Toadsworth’s fainting fit. As these matters commonly pan out, it wasn’t long until the new landlord of World 5 brought the neighbourhood together for a ball, one which the tenants of the Mushroom Kingdom most gleefully attended. The young master Lakitu was as instantaneously liked in character as his fortune was admired and it wasn’t long before he had danced with every lady in the community. However when he asked Toadette to dance for a second time it seemed his affections were set and Toadsworth could not contain his pride despite his listeners communal jealously.

Yet as happy an occurrence as this became it was the young master’s friend who caused the most commotion among the guests that evening. Bowser was his name, and can you believe 100,000 coins a year with a property empire to boot. This was almost enough to overwhelm everybody until it was quickly pronounced he was the rudest gentleman to have ever been encountered by this modest society. His pride was detestable and he remained the only gentleman in the room to refuse to dance with any of the young ladies, many of which were without a partner between routines. Even poor Princess Peach was scorned by his inscrutable snobbery.

“Come my good Bowser, there are plenty of ladies to dance with, many of which are uncommonly pretty” his amiable friend intimated as he ended yet another dance with the rosy cheeked Toadette.

“You are dancing with the only pretty girl in the room” Bowser replied as he followed his friend’s eyes trail back across to his partner.

“What about her sister, she has not danced these last two dances and she is most handsome”.

“She is tolerable but not handsome enough to tempt me” was the reply. As Lakitu returned to his lady of choice, Peach simply laughed at the conversation that occurred within inches of where she sat, and revelled in the opportunity  to retell of the man’s most ridiculous arrogance throughout the evening with the most vivacious satire she could muster. However Bowser did not succumb to this social scorn until Peach was offered a hand to dance by a moustachioed man wearing a red cap. This prompted Bowser to leave the room and he was not seen nor missed for the remainder of the evening.

Next – Part II

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